From muddy hikes to bonfires and outdoor adventures, WildDad is helping Nelson fathers step away from screens, spend meaningful time with their kids, and build friendships of their own along the way, as Alistair Hughes finds out.
It seems dads spending time with their kids has a very long history in this country. Records from early European settlers first encountering Māori family life describe the men teaching their children with games and waiata. In 1840 the author Joel Pollack wrote: “The New Zealand father is devotedly fond of his children, they are his pride, his boast, and peculiar delight.”
It can be argued that modern living places stresses on family life that previous generations did not experience, but Rob Cope, founder of WildDad, believes that it is more important than ever for dads to show up for their kids, even when life gets busy.
WildDad is his initiative that encourages fathers to get their children off their electronic devices and into the outdoors, to reconnect through shared, real-world experiences. Growing out of his interactions as a parent educator helping New Zealand families to safely navigate the digital environment, he understood the importance of kids being able to enjoy outdoor adventures with their fathers, rather than alone in the online world. 85-90% of the parents who attended his talks were mothers, leading Rob to conclude that dads were ‘dropping the ball’. On the WildDad website, he explains: “It’s about… carving out a couple of hours a week to deliberately father our kids. To journey side by side and ‘Do Hard Things’ that build courage, grit, independence, leadership, and belonging.”
WildDad operates by establishing ‘Outposts’ throughout the country, where kids and dads meet every weekend for adventures, and there are currently 18 spread from Kerikeri to Gore. One of the most recently established Outposts is here in Nelson.
Local father John Jepson and his young son and daughter joined WildDad over three months ago and have met up with other dads and kids for regular events almost every weekend since then.
“I'm a very active person,” says John, “and I’m very keen to encourage that in my children.” He says they all try to do as much as they can together as a family, but it's also good for his wife to be able to have some time to herself on the weekends. “At WildDad my kids are meeting up with other kids, and they're excited to go, because they want to see their friends and meet new ones.”
An often quoted fear of children’s dependency upon online interactions is that the ability to relate person-to-person and enjoy a non-digital social life will suffer. John has found that although his own kid’s online time is carefully regulated, the Outpost meet-ups seem to enhance the social development of children.
In the week leading up to first joining WildDad, John’s daughter had a cross country run at school. “She absolutely hated it and dragged her feet the whole way,” he recalls. But their premier WildDad outing was a hike up the Grampians and John was delighted to see his daughter right at the front of the pack. “She'd met a new friend, and was having a great time – there was no stopping her. It was really lovely to see that turnaround.”
Obviously children are benefitting, but what about John himself, and dads in general? “Togetherness and making connections is definitely something that's really good for the dads as well, because finding time to be with friends can be a real challenge. So to know that you can go somewhere where the kids are going to be able to run around doing something really cool, while you’re having a chance to chat with other dads is important.”
John describes these discussions as ranging from weekly occurrences to sometimes a specific issue, “that someone wants to just talk to some other dudes about. It's a safe space.”
As a ‘stay at home’ father, John has found this particularly beneficial. “There were opportunities to do social things,” he recalls of his early parenting. “But it was always very heavily oriented towards mums, and as a dad it never felt like a particularly welcoming environment. Maybe there were certain things that they didn't want to discuss in front of a guy. So for me to have a male friendly space feels good.”
Events which the Nelson WildDad Outpost have run include hikes and outdoor education. Overnight camps and water activities will hopefully find their way onto the agenda as the warmer months arrive. The onus is on the dads themselves to come up with a plan each weekend and when John’s turn arrived, he had something special in mind. Living rurally on a couple of hectares, he had amassed a large burn pile. “So we had WildDad around, talked about fire safety and then had a great big bonfire. They just loved it.”
Dads and kids were also able to practice open fire cooking. “We started early that day, and finished late because everyone was just having such a good time.”
John believes that the Nelson region offers an abundance of potential activities and experiences. “We are spoiled. There are so many great places to get out and explore around here, you realise there’s a wealth of experiences right on your doorstep.”
He recalls one very wet weekend when the dads were considering cancelling a coastal walk because it was bucketing down. They received advice directly from founder Rob Cope.
“Rob jumped into the chats and reminded us that it's WildDad, not ‘mild dads’,” laughs John. “So that made us rethink things, and we went.” It was wet, but the kids had a blast, with plenty of puddles to splash in, and games to play in the rain that you can't play on a dry day.
“It was good to show them that it doesn't have to be a stay at home weekend when it's raining.”
Almost 4000 years ago an ancient Babylonian youth named Elmesu carved a clay message wishing his father good health and a long life, in what is believed to be history’s first ‘Father’s Day card’. An initiative like WildDad will help ensure that fathers continue to be appreciated for the roles they’ve played in their children’s early lives, into the future.
“We can be the dads we always wanted to be – but not if we stay numb behind our phones, in the room but not really there,” says Rob Cope. “True fatherhood is about showing up.”
WildDad Nelson meets every Sunday during school term, 2-5pm
